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Writer's pictureJillian Epperly

Becoming Whole is Painful

How I tested the strength of my ankles from prior injuries

Correction: I didn't land on my ankle I landed on my feet and my ankle supported jumping off the back of the boat

Becoming Whole is Painful

All of us are fractions of what our whole potential could be and then we keep evolving as the world changes. Our children, our pain, suffering, cancer, disease, chronic illness and disorders are the reminders of the mistakes we once made and must relive them over and over and over again until the system stops the "bleeding".

Every single time I felt pain the last 8 years, then the last 3 years, even more, and then the last 50 was a reminder of ancestral pain and suffering that I needed to correct.

I surmise we are given at least 50 years to make our mark in history and biology and someone behind us and people ahead of us will learn from the lessons we offer to the world. Some of us learn 20 lessons out of 2k lessons and others learn 1 lesson out of 600. Someone is taking notes from those lessons and recording them somewhere.

I learned a major lesson the last 5 months that the demon of trauma buries itself deep into the recesses of your body, mind and spirit. It is not always your parents or inheriting demons. Sometimes the demons of trauma are the choices you made after the world changed for you ( a break up, a firing, an assault). You had to feel the demons and experience the trauma of bad choices and survive them and NEVER EVER EVER GO THERE AGAIN. You had the learn the hard lessons and face them and sometimes, all the time they are painful!!!!! Sometimes you bury the trauma from bad choices so deep you basically forget them.

The last round of symptoms the last 5 months were so extraordinary full of dizziness, fatigue, heart palpitations, neck pain, arm pain, back pain, wrist pain, finger pain, even a headache and ANXIETY OMG THE ANXIETY. That was what you were supposed to feel at the time of the trauma and face it and then repair. But we do not do that. We cure trauma in our body. We starve it. We carve it out until later we get a delayed reaction to what we should have felt 20 years ago.

20 years ago..

The last 5 months I relived the trauma of some crazy trauma I put myself into and it was a doozy.. holy shit. Even the last 3 years feeling the monsters of disease just sit in my joints and head and neck..

wow... you are memories.. many 911 and good memories.. I never realized how much those memories of traumas from my own bad choices get filtered through my perceptions, my politics, "religion" or beliefs and science practices.

I am SO GLAD I DID NOT HAVE KIDS.

If you don't learn your lessons this lifetime the children or someone who picked up your microbes will have to learn the lessons you never learned and if they don't learn the lessons someone else will pick up where they left off and on and on and on.

The generation of diseases are people who never learned their lessons and they keep repeating them and shapeshifting them and even evolving the mistakes..

That's why you don't encourage the people around you to have children because you're only going to destroy them with your traditions and beliefs but you can't tell people that so you let them do what they do..

But I completely understand why the left was correct about Planned Parenthood. Life is great but what kind of Life are you cultivating and what kind of suffering are you inducing and you'll see in 3rd worldl countries some people save lives but the person is basically a vegetable..

You'll see people develop serial killers out there because they value so much life they even develops someone who is a destroyer..

I could never say what I went through the last eight years and even more so the last three years someone else could go through because you can only imagine what kind of surgery and trauma people have buried deep within the recesses of their body Mind and Spirit hold within and that is a Pandora's Box some people don't want to open..

And oh my God yeah I didn't realize that my shoulder was injured back then 20 years ago but I didn't have the tools to repair it so my body just temporarily healed,

but the real healing is f****** painful

The real healing is the aging process that people respond to ineffectively and so they destroy themselves with starvation and operations and then died suddenly..

But not everybody can handle pain and suffering and so there must be some way to humanely keep them relatively pain-free while they raise their children and survive the body they were given

Back in February I could only read double vision from letters far away and my husband thought I was going blind and I even got my eyes checked and they said there was a little bit of farsightedness nearsightedness I forget. But I was seeing double when I was watching my Netflix and I could never really read the writing unless I got up close. Even at the DMV I couldn't read the writing I kept seeing double and it was so annoying.

Well last night I was watching a movie that had writing and I could read every single word and I can see the letters that said season 1 episode whatever and then chapter whatever and it was as clear as day with no double vision and I was laying in bed like I usually do. Oh my God that's awesome.

I'm getting my vision back maybe it's even better I don't know.

But no crazy dreams and I go to bed a little bit later not as early as I did and I get up maybe a few times but I sleep very well from like 1:00 or 2:00 in the morning till about 5:00 so a good 3 to 4 hours straight through is awesome. But I fall asleep around 11:00 or 12:00 give or take or even before but every time i wake listen to somebody talk and then go to sleep

My shoulder only hurts a little bit but not as much as it did I'm getting slowly the range of motion. And I'm very clear headed. The past seems like it was so far away. Even the people in my Facebook who I was in the conspiracy world seems so far away almost as if I didn't even know them back then not that I ever did but I almost can't even relate to where they're coming from.

I mean like the past is so near but yet so far and the recent time seems so far but yet they're so near

Inflammation is when the body attempts to develop properties to release and then you have to feed the body to repair.

Why people get all these different old people's diseases because the body is attempting to try to regain another lifeline and is trying to push out the old but people don't feed for the new because it's painful to transition. So they're told they only have one life because maybe the damage from that past life they just had was so much that it would be too much to try to deal with. Some people have a lot more damage in their past than others.

You can't make people feel pain and you can't force them to eat and you can't be so invasive to try to work their own immune system for them

they have to figure out if it's worth it's time to even do that


Anytime you have an injury or disease or a deficiency or a surgery or taking remedies or done anything that requires a medical diagnosis or a remedy for you will have to visit twice and sometimes three times. And sometimes even more when those cures wear off

I couldn't tell you how many times I've had to deal with things over again or if they were just new old damage because of so many things happening clustered during the years of growing up. So if you broke an ankle and then you healed and then reinjured it again and then healed and then you decided to finally face your demons you have to actually deal with that ankle again a third time around.

When you injure your shoulder well you're dealing with an injury and then you get surgery then you must deal with that. Plus then later on if the cure wears off and you have aching you're then taking more medication because there's arthritis and other diseases because the body is trying to heal from past injuries.

And then people take medication for arthritis. And it holds it over for a minute but then that medication gets recalled because it's not effective anymore. The pain returns.

So every single pain in the body is a messages telling you there was injury there was even a remedy and then there was even some other damage compounding it because you decided to get a surgery.

The injury and the disease was the first mistake and one should never have to revisit those mistakes but we do because we don't deal with them effectively. And we don't learn from our mistakes

We will keep repeating the same mistake until we learn our lesson and that includes the pain of suffering and sometimes our children are the lessons of the mistakes that we've made in the past. That's what disease is. That's what pain and suffering is. Those are lessons of the past calling to you letting you know there are still lessons to learn and you haven't learned them yet.

Infertility is when the system decides to learn from their mistakes or your body learned from your mistake and either you will live or you will die from the lessons.

I know people have spiritual beliefs around children and family and I'm not trying to offend anyone but there is a bigger picture going on in a far more spiritual situation that's presented before us that I couldn't even begin to impart upon people who might have a different belief and that's okay..

You have 50 years to make your mistakes and correct them so that way the next 50 years you might have a better chance in surviving your world especially when the world changes.

I was given the chance to correct my mistakes 8 years before I turned 50 so I had at least 8 years years to learn my lessons from the last 42 years..

If I didn't figure out how to correct my mistakes then I would be subjected to declining from the mistakes I made the last 50 years. But now I have the chance to correct all the mistakes I've made the last 50 years and it's painful and some things I forget I even had an injury or something else but I think the major injuries and even the minor ones finally came to surface every single time the climate changed.

Dr Leonard hayflick discovered that you have mortal somatic cells that can only redouble self at least 50 times over before it converts over to the next immortalized germline cell to develop another downline assuming you don't have too much damage from the last somatic cells attempting to redouble itself.

Everybody has immortalized germline cells and that's what cancer is but that's supposed to be a transition between the old world and the new world but if you're declining so much then the old world will die but that new world hasn't been able to transition correctly and so the infrastructure breaks down when the new world tries to take over and the old world doesn't give it the platform to do that.

That's why people get oncology to destroy the new world but the old world is declining so you don't get the pleasure of transitioning you're just living out the rest of whatever's left of the old world. That's called the aging process because people cannot transition correctly

It's like annihilating the civilization to attempt to rebuild but you don't have the tools to do that because you've annihilated the civilization.

There must be a stable transition from the old and the new and people don't know how to do that

I really like Schopenhauer. He really resonates with me


It is crazy when the past comes knocking.

You never know who you're going to get so be careful of who you're getting with because you don't know if other personalities exist.

Sometimes very accomplished people have gone through some s***. Just look at Steve Jobs and the genius he is or was and he was a monster to work for and a very complicated fellow but extremely talented

Sometimes very simple people are the ones you want to get with because they're not too complicated. But you hope there isn't too much crazy trauma in the family.

But like anything it's a crapshoot who you're going to get so your gut must be the ultimate detector and indicator of danger. And you can see it in people's eyes and you can also detect their mannerisms and also their belief system to let you know what potential situation could arise. Sometimes if it's worth it you'll fight for a place in their world and sometimes it's not worth it

Which is why being more clean and sober than not will serve you well in the future when you're choosing a mate or an industry or even an organization to belong to..

you want to make sure your gut is very clear to help you make sound decisions for your survival

Which is why I'm glad I went to a small town to look for a husband I guess. Luckily it wasn't in a big city. And I'm glad my husband is part of Generation X because it was a simpler time back then in small towns.

You know there's high divorce rates even a small towns but if kids are pretty sturdy even if they don't have a lot of money they're relatively normal but just not too complex but that's okay.

Sometimes complex people need simple people so you don't have wars of personalities against each other.

And you want to have a stable person in your world and you also want to complicated person to give you another perspective..

And hopefully you can survive each other..

Yes opposites do attract but don't make it such a war that you destroy each other.

We all know that Jobs built a $1 trillion company from his garage that revolutionized the way we lead our lives. But he was also cruel to his employees, his family members, and even to strangers.

All of us are full of many miny 9 11 events we had to survive and some were so aggressive that we forget what kind of damage that was done to us or the damage we've done to ourselves because of situations we've blocked out until we feel it later on when we allow ourselves to.

And the reason why we don't remember some of these really major aggressive events because it's a type of protective mechanism the brain has and it becomes your alter ego.. it's a type of dissociation though dissociative disorders usually are connected to something really aggressive like MK Ultra events that people read about but sometimes you could have dissociation disorder develop from a breakup because of your inability to handle stress.

Which is why some of these women don't survive breaking up with their boyfriends because their boyfriends become so obsessed they can't handle being rejected. It's like the end of their world. Then you get murder suicide events because people cannot handle the stress

Which is why addiction is so rampant in America because we've all come from some kind of trauma and corruption within the family. But that was part of the larger scale experiments was trauma and trauma-based programming and sometimes it's political events and elections and then crazy riots and activism and pandemics

These are the stories of what happens when we develop children from trauma. When we try to over protect our children.

When we raise our children in cults

When boys and girls cannot manage and handle rejection or a traumatic event or a loss in a game or a breakup

sometimes men and women or boys and girls go off the deep end. They can't handle the pain and suffering and they stuff it deep down and then one day it manifests into something deadly.

And all of us will deal with our own 9/11 event regarding somebody whether it's a girlfriend boyfriend a best friend a mother and a father and you hope they don't die from that major event and you hope they Channel those feelings and issues into writing reading may be studying and learning but not finding another person to get lost into because they may not survive that person

And violence and getting lost in a bar fight is not a way to channel those traumatic feelings because one day you're going to have to pay for those feelings and damage to your body and it will be painful so painful

The 1980s slasher movies was an allegory and a mirror showing you what happens when we have families developing children from trauma and ineffective reactions to situations out of their control.

And children who don't know how to manage their feelings and release the demons in a proper effective venue when they are also shown violence in movies it rewires their brain. Sometimes they become so good and and sometimes they're so traumatized they walk into danger because they had to become numb to deal with those images or they become the danger

Sometimes children who can't handle loss and losing hurt themselves because they were told to be perfect. So much pressure to outperform their peers and be perfect and when they're not they can't handle it. The pressure of being perfect and good can be deadly..

The drive to succeed is great to a point but it can be abused especially when children are under that type of pressure especially now with climate change and declining bodies

Jason

Jason Voorhees is a character from the Friday the 13th franchise with a complex backstory that includes physical deformities, a medical condition, and the death of his mother:

Childhood

Jason was born with physical deformities and an unnamed medical condition in the 1940s. His single mother, Pamela, was also a recent widow and did everything she could to protect Jason from a world that might ostracize him. She kept him home, homeschooled him, and limited his exposure to other people in Crystal Lake.

Camp Crystal Lake

In 1958, Jason was 11 years old when he was thought to have drowned at Camp Crystal Lake after two counselors left the boys unattended. Pamela blamed the counselors for her son's death and killed them, which led to the closure of the camp.

Survival

However, Jason actually survived and became a hermit in the woods, living off plants, bugs, and animals. Some say he returned to life to avenge his mother's death. Jason grew up to be a large, uneducated, and deformed man who never spoke.

Halloween

Michael Myers' backstory begins on Halloween night in 1963, when the six-year-old stabs and kills his 15-year-old sister Judith in their suburban Haddonfield, Illinois home. Before his parents arrive, the story of Michael and Judith becomes local legend. Michael is then institutionalized at Smith's Grove Sanitarium, where he spends his childhood and adolescence under the observation of his psychiatrist, Dr. Samuel Loomis. Loomis becomes an expert on Michael, eventually calling him the personification of evil.

Fifteen years later, on Halloween night in 1978, Michael escapes from the sanitarium and returns to Haddonfield, where he stalks and murders a teenage babysitter named Laurie Strode and her friends. During the course of the night, Michael also comes face-to-face with Laurie and Loomis. Halloween 2 reveals that Michael and Laurie are actually siblings.

Michael Myers is an iconic slasher movie villain who is rarely seen without his mask and never speaks, except in one film that explores his childhood. In the original Halloween films, he is credited as "The Shape" and is often referred to as the Boogeyman.

If you don't want anyone to cultivate ill intention towards you must be 100% whole and so does your Society. Because we have a lot of fakers out there who hide behind deception

BING AI GENERATED


We are dealing with a declining Society who doesn't understand what it means to be friends with somebody because so many people need company and resources from others. If you don't want someone to have any ill intention towards you they have to be 100% whole person and so do you and nobody is 100% whole

And so you will deal with different degrees of ill intention towards you and some people foster a little bit of ill intention and then it becomes a chasm of a major ill intention

But well intention isn't necessarily something you want to cultivate either because a road to hell is paved by good and well intentions.

Intention is an adjective that's relative to the intention and the outcome and the very specific measurable result.

Any kind of intention could be used for good or evil relative to the perspective. Cultivating intentions from other people can be like solving a puzzle. It starts off fun and a challenge and then it's constantly hunting for the right piece that fits.

Friends are never forever and acquaintances come and go

if you don't change out your friends and turn them into acquaintances then you develop a jail around you that will not allow you to evolve and change. you can't expect them to grow with you..

everybody has a different rate of growth and declination

and so if you force friendships to stay the same then people destroy each other..

people break up and break apart because of their intention to keep things going staying the same

that's the law of thermodynamics

That's called entropy from order to chaos

Having friends implies eventual destruction of that relationship because it can only go so long and last so long and it will run its course.

Sisterhoods and brotherhoods have a shelf life. If you don't want to be subjected to that shelf life break away from the sisterhoods and the brotherhoods

I like people who judge me.

Because at some point I might be able to hear what they have to say about whatever it is that I do or do not do.

That's why we all keep a diverse group of people on our Facebook to keep us balanced so we're not always inviting yes men to our world.. or we wouldn't be upset at people judging us.

You don't have to dispute me but I keep you around to keep me informed about changing conditions and even giving me a different perspective.

I welcome different perspectives on my Facebook I just don't need them shoved in my face. The judges are your best friends because you'll hate them .. the people you hate the most are the ones that sharpen your sword the most.. but you must control that power so it doesn't destroy you. Remember, when people bring up feelings in somebody, they have the power to do that, and they gave you a power to work from

just don't abuse it.

You can return the favor without intending to destroy somebody

But if you can't return the favor in a constructive way then you'll hold on to that power within and it might eat away at you

but then at some point they might actually resonate when all the conditions are right. You don't want a bunch of yes men around you. And I guess if you do that's your prerogative.

We love and hate and respect and are polite to those who disagree with us and judge us. We wouldn't actively cultivate controversy or resist and defend if we didn't respect another point of view even subconsciously

IMAGE

Alphanumeric codes

0abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxy0

MicroMacroMicroMacroMicro

Zero is the Invisible Hand. The energy that you can't see are causing the chemical reactions of atoms which are colliding with each other

You can call zero or that energy, God, if you want but there's also a master plan..

Who's the master of that plan?

Those who have already understood how the universe works and they just keep the programs running but shapeshift the intentions and the outcome ..

It's not that difficult to manipulate your own environment as well as the environment in between the concentric circles

there's always a code to keep everything uniform with no chaos. Don't work outside the code and don't break the code or you'll get chaos or even go to jail

IMAGE of civilization developed by mankind

Heaven and Hell


IMAGE

Electrical impulses matter gases and acids

electrical impulses matter gases and acids developing a universe and a constellation of images and sounds and smells

That's the macro understanding the micro and then the micro eventually turns into the macro

As of this writing, quarks and leptons are the smallest known building blocks in nature, and they are very small indeed. The most powerful instrumentation can see objects smaller than a proton, but quarks and leptons are too small to directly image with modern equipment.

Drawing Hands is a lithograph by the Dutch artist M. C. Escher first printed in January 1948. It depicts a sheet of paper, out of which two hands rise, in the paradoxical act of drawing one another into existence. This is one of the most obvious examples of Escher's common use of paradox.

And that's why women like bad boys. But you become too bad you could be a destroyer.

And the system has done all of their experiments And if you're lucky enough to get a taste of the power and develop brains from that use your power for good not for evil.

Cult leaders of the past were geniuses because how do you get a bunch of people to follow you..

Be a leader but have zero followers you need validation from. Have followers that hate you because you took the other side because you had to and you learned both sides of the argument and then you stopped taking sides.

How do you get followers who only know how to take one side or the other to follow you? You wont ever.

Don't ever sell out to the system of taking sides. They do it in the politics religion science because it's a manipulation and they have a strategy that you don't understand.

If you don't take a side you'll never have a following and you wont become a corrupt leader getting drunk with power

Nope, you also wont get a lot of glorified followers who don't understand another person's point of view.

You won't get people liking you when you don't take a side they expect you to take

Imo never be a leader to people who love you because you'll become corrupt ..

look at how many people who follow icons of the past and they used their power to manipulate and destroy and justify abuse..

Like the Pied Piper leading the rats into the water.

That's why I don't want to be loved and if you hate me leave me alone..

I don't even demand respect because that must be earned based upon someone's expectations.

Just be polite. Be polite to the people in your Society.

In my opinion I wouldn't be kind and generous because then you're just manipulating people's feelings so you can get something from them even a feeling of power because you're trying to destroy them

and a discerning person would feel that inauthenticity

Someone who's not in touch with their gut would believe the superficial b******* people spoon feed their friends and family and strangers

And it is a brainwashing when someone says a very general statement that

"if you don't stand for something you'll fall for anything".

That's a logical fallacy that the premise assumes the conclusion and it's not even a specified premise

it is so open for interpretation that any politics religion or scientific dogma could use that statement to manipulate someone into believing or taking a stand for their argument and their belief system

What the hell is "something" and what is "anything"?

That's a whole lot of nothing with nothing specific.

So you can only imagine how many nouns and pronouns and people place and things people will stand for so they don't fall for anything and then you get chaos

If you don't even know yourself you'll never know anyone else and you could never take a stand for yourself.

So even saying if you don't stand for yourself you'll fall for anything if you don't even know who you are then you'll just project and find a mirror and then join a group

I learned how to use both sides of my brain.

I can learn the details that make up the big picture

But it's painful to wake up the side of the brain that was atrophied due to cures and detoxes and starvation and surgeries

What we do to children in the medical holistic energy healing world is what the children who turn into adults do to society.. and we have a lot of domestic violence and sexual predation and criminals in the justice system because of what was done to them as children. Even simply getting an operation is doing harm

But the ends justify the means and the ends are all based upon what you ultimately expect from that situation. It doesn't mean that it was good for the body in the long run it was just a short-term stay of execution.


Dying for fame and family and fornication ends up in aggressive frequency

Fame

Family

freddy kreuger was born from trauma..

Michael Myers and Jason Voorhees was also born from unresolved trauma

When a person finally resolves their trauma they don't want children because they don't need something else to carry on their genetic line if they are the best copy.

Can you imagine what these women who endured Epstein Weinstein P Diddy and R Kelly, having children.

Can you only imagine what people have gone through in their life and they have children on top of that. These children are born from unresolved trauma.

And that's why Instagram and only fans is a place for them to go to act out the trauma they endured and was born from or they get married to someone who acts out their 50 shades of Gray fantasies

That's pretty much the future for these girls out there born from aggressive trauma

When a child is born from trauma it's anybody's guess how the system is going to control their power if they even can.

And that's why you see a generation of girls who will be used and abused because it's about being a hot girl on only fans and Instagram and then you give them money for compensation and then you hope they don't suffer too much when they pass away.

Just watch Netflix series too hot to handle. Young millennials gen Z basically okay with disposing their body and getting money for it. It's fun now but later on when the chickens come to roost it will be agonizing.. if they die suddenly it won't be agonizing but their peers and their next of kin will be suffering

I hope the money they make and the fame/family they get is enough compensation for being brought into this world under aggressive trauma

the system knew..

Things were never going to be easy for Frederick Charles Krueger. As chronicled in A Nightmare On Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors, "the bastard son of 100 Maniacs."




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